THE FLOOR BESIDE THE DESK — Warmside Compute, the artificial intelligence company founded earlier this summer when both household cats lay down against the family computer and declared themselves a technology firm, has completed what its press office calls "a strategic reorganization" and what everyone else calls "Atticus left."

The company now consists of Bean.

Bean was located this week in his usual position, on the carpet, pressed full-length against the tower's glass side panel directly beside the GeForce RTX card, with one front paw extended under the case and his face turned into the warm draft. He was asleep. His office confirms he has been asleep for the duration of the restructuring and considers this "leadership by example."

"Warmside is leaner, it's more focused, and it is significantly closer to the exhaust. We've never been in a stronger thermal position." — Warmside Compute press office, which is also Bean

THE EXIT. Atticus has not issued a formal statement on his departure. Household sources say he has been redirecting his energy toward holding the amplifier, which he considers "a legacy asset," and toward a series of afternoon wrestling bouts, at least one of which he actually won.

Industry analysts note that Atticus's exit is consistent with his employment history, which as of this week comprises well over 1,400 consecutive days of not having any. "You can't really lay off a guy who never had a job," one said. "He just stopped lying there. That's his resignation letter. It's the absence of a cat."

A wide view of the gaming PC with pink internal lighting and Bean asleep on the carpet against its side
THE CAMPUS: A wide view of Warmside Compute headquarters at full load. The pink lighting is, per the company, "the brand." The small cream shape at right is the company. Photo: ShatNews Staff

THE PRODUCT. Warmside continues to have no product, no customers, and no stated purpose. Asked whether the reorganization would bring the company closer to shipping something, Bean's office said the company "ships warmth," clarified that it does not ship warmth, and then clarified that it receives warmth.

The company's single piece of infrastructure — the household's gaming PC — remains in daily use by a member of the household who describes himself as "not an employee" and "extremely tired of stepping over the CEO to reach the power button."

THE OUTLOOK. Market watchers say the firm's future depends entirely on the machine staying on. "When that computer goes to sleep, the company goes to sleep," said one. "Except the company's already asleep. So honestly I'm not sure it would notice."

At press time, the machine had been left running overnight "by accident." Warmside Compute reported its strongest quarter on record.