THE PRACTICE CORNER — The household's music equipment expanded this month with the arrival of an eight-channel mixer, delivered in a large cardboard box and set down on the carpet at the foot of the amplifier throne.

Atticus's office filed to annex it within the hour.

The filing argued that the mixer, as "a new audio component in the practice corner," falls under the throne's existing jurisdiction, which Atticus's office describes as "the amp, the cabinet, and everything that plugs into them, or might." The office further argued that the box itself, as the mixer's temporary residence, "shares its legal status."

THE PROBLEM. The annexation immediately ran into the warmth doctrine — the four-word principle Atticus himself established to take the amplifier, and which holds that a warm thing belongs to whoever is on it.

The mixer is not warm. The mixer has never been switched on. The mixer is inside a box, on a carpet, and has, per a household technician, "the thermal profile of a book."

"My client's position is that the doctrine governs warm things, and that cold things are governed by a separate, older doctrine, which is also his." — Atticus's office, before the wand toy

Bean's office, appearing in opposition, argued that if the doctrine is Atticus's and the other doctrine is also Atticus's, the household may simply have "a cat who says everything is his," which Bean's office noted "is not a doctrine, it's a personality."

THE COLLAPSE. The hearing was proceeding along these lines when a member of the household entered the practice corner holding a wand toy.

Video of the session shows that within four seconds both parties had abandoned their filings. Atticus, who had moments earlier described the mixer as "a matter of hereditary succession," pivoted to sit bolt upright and track the string with total focus. Bean dropped into a crouch. Both counsels were subsequently observed sprinting in circles around the speaker cabinet for a period of well over two minutes.

Bean crouched low and Atticus sitting upright, both looking toward the camera, next to the corner of a mixer box
RECESS: Both parties pause mid-session to establish whether the wand toy is going to happen again. The box (right) was the reason everyone was here. Nobody has looked at it since. Photo: ShatNews Staff

The judge, who is also the person holding the wand toy, ruled the matter "adjourned, obviously."

THE BOX. Legal observers note that the mixer's box has since taken on an independent career. ShatNews previously reported that it was used as a forward staging platform during the campaign to get correspondent Liam to look up from Roblox, and Atticus's office has reportedly re-filed, this time for the box alone, on the grounds that he "stood on it for a long time" and that the box is now "slightly warm."

The mixer has been removed from the box and installed. It has not yet been sat on. Analysts give it a week.