THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR — Living Room Wrestling has opened a formal review after photographic evidence emerged of a strike delivered to reigning champion Bean while he was lying on his back, outside competition hours, and looking in an entirely different direction.
The image, captured by ShatNews staff, shows the champion supine and relaxed. A black limb enters the frame from the upper right. It is in contact with the side of his head.
The League has identified the limb as belonging to Atticus.
Atticus's office has issued a response that concedes a great deal while disputing everything. It confirms that the paw in the photograph is his paw. It confirms that the paw is attached to him. It states that he was not present at the time.
Pressed on how a paw could be in a room its owner was not in, the office replied that this was "a question for the photographer" and referred all further inquiries to the paw. The paw has not been made available for comment.
The champion's camp has taken an unexpectedly relaxed position. Bean's office confirms contact occurred, confirms it was unprovoked, and confirms that Bean did not notice, has not been informed, and was at the time of the incident thinking about something else.
"He's not going to file," a source close to the champion said. "He was on his back. He is always on his back. If we filed every time something touched him while he was on his back we would never do anything else."
The review is complicated by the wand toy visible in the lower left of the photograph, which both offices have attempted to introduce as the actual aggressor. The League has rejected this. The wand toy was not moving. The wand toy has never moved on its own. The wand toy is a stick.
Disciplinary precedent in this household is thin. The last comparable case — the office chair incident — collapsed when the Household Labor Board rejected Atticus's complaint on the grounds that he is unemployed. That ruling is still cited by both sides, in opposite directions, in every filing.
At press time, the League had scheduled a hearing. Neither party is expected to attend. Both parties will be asleep.